Longboard vs. Shortboard: A Wend Staff Battle

Our Ed and Chief, Ian, has a knack for scoring old longboard surfboards off of Craig’s List for near nothing. I don’t know how he does it, but somehow, Ian will invariably end up with yet another half destroyed vintage longboard. So, the other night, Ian comes over to my house with an old, 60s era longboard. Now Pete, our editor at large, vehemently believes in riding ONLY shortboards and will go to great lengths to profess their superiority. Ian wanted to fix this big piece of crap longboard he’d got, but I suggested we do something different. Something better. Pete lives about a mile from my house, and I suggested we take the surfboard, throw it on the porch, ring the doorbell and run away. Meanwhile, I’m hiding in the bushes across the street with a 450mm lens on my camera to capture the reaction. Being 35 years old, I decided that I should probably get permission from the neighbor whose bushes I planned to hide in. I ring his doorbell, and the guy looks at me like I’m nuts at first, but gradually, as I explain our plan, he agrees to allow access to his shrubbery. So I get set up, take a few test shots and then Ian makes the delivery.

A porch light turns on outside. There’s a look through the window….hhhhmmmm….nobody there….

Then Pete emerges from his domicile and realizes what all his follies, where he publicly defames surfboards over nine feet long, has culminated in.

He received what he was due. A visit from the Longboard Liberation Front. Now, and forever more, Pete can no longer claim that he ‘wouldn’t own a longboard’ because, now, the evidence is clear: Not only does Pete have a longboard, he has a vintage piece of crap longboard.

Pete, we await the moment in which you’ll exact your revenge.